


All Time Low

by ensembledesétoiles (Tsundeyama)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Scratching, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28913838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsundeyama/pseuds/ensembledes%C3%A9toiles
Summary: the way his scars fit perfectly with your fingernails — you did that to yourself, and his skin mirrors yours because he is your soulmate. the man you love is your soulmate and you don’t want him to know because you don’t want him to witness this part of you.SOULMATE AU : your soulmate bears the same scars you do, except that when you get hurt, they don't bleed or feel the pain.
Relationships: Sugawara Koushi/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28





	All Time Low

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry i just needed to vent :) i've been hella stressed lately and i'd rather use my fingers to type than engage them in literaly destroying my skin

it’s first period and you’re already in trouble. you don’t know why, but you must be since your childhood friend/senpai/kind of crush has stormed into your classroom in the middle of the lecture demanding to talk to you.

he had taken you by the arm and dragged you outside, under the curious whispers of your classmates, saying it would only take a minute. you don’t know how that flew with your professor, but he had let you go, and now you find yourself behind the empty gym. no one has P.E right now. « were you ever going to tell me ? or did i really have to find out this way ? »

he seems upset, and you don’t know why he would be. you’ve done nothing to annoy him lately and even if you did, sugawara wasn’t the type to get angry if not pushed over the edge. so you frown, tilt your head in genuine confusion. « i don’t understand, what are you talking about ? »

« i’m talking about this ! » he lets go of your wrist, only to scrunch up his sleeve. his skin is pristine — as you would have expected from mister refreshing himself — except for the weird, dry scars on his forearm. he never bled : you were the one who pierced your skin in a peak of stress.

one part of you wants to reach out, touch his skin and witness the way his scars fit perfectly with your fingernails — you did that to yourself, and his skin mirrors yours because he is your _soulmate._ the man you love is your soulmate and you don’t want him to know because you don’t want him to witness this part of you. you open your mouth to deny the allegations, knowing he wouldn’t ask proof by asking you to show him your arms, bandaged under your shirt, only to keep you from picking at the scab on your skin. « don’t even try to pretend you aren’t my soulmate. i know you are, you _must_ be. i wouldn’t be feeling this way if you weren’t. »

_oh wow —_ your heart rates picks up all of the sudden. you never know he felt the same way. « what are you doing to yourself ? doesn’t it hurt ? goodness i am covered in scratches you can’t tell me they are all unfortunate. »

« i’m sorry. » you simply answer, looking down at the ground between you. you don’t even know what else to say. « i just sometimes get really itchy and can’t stop... it’s not hurting or anything, i’m just sorry for the inconvenience it brings you... but it’s nothing, really. i’ll keep it to where no one can see. »

« this is a _disorder._ this is literally a fucking mental disorder. » he almost screams, exasperated as he is. can’t you see that he is worried, not about the scars but about your mental health ? you look at him as if he had slapped you, eyes wide and _hurt_.

you step back from him, take a deep calming breath while he seems to panic. his words came out all wrong, he is just tired and worried and angry — not at you. never at you. « i am fine, sugawara-senpai. i am not... » you can’t even say it, but you know you have to or else he’ll never let you go. « this isn’t self-harm. i am not cutting, i’m just _scratching._ »

and you truly believe that. you need to believe that, because what else are you supposed to do ? there is nothing wrong with you, everyone scratches sometimes. it is fine, even though you can’t seem to stop, even though you make yourself bleed, even though you want to keep digging and can barely refrain from doing so, repeating the assault somewhere else on your skin just long enough for the previous wounds to heal. you are _fine_.

« you are hurting yourself, » sugawara says, a lot calmer this time. « and you need to stop. » he sees you frown and open your mouth to argue with him, but he doesn’t let you. « baby, you don’t know how hard it is to realize the person you’re in love with has been hurting and you never knew. _please,_ let me help. » granted he doesn’t know how to, but if you just talked to him about whatever pushes you to scratch, like you said, he could try to find a way.

« sugawara... » you sigh. him being your soulmate doesn’t make it any easier to talk, especially when you don’t know what is wrong with you, the picking of your skin more unconscious than not, only realizing you’ve been doing it when it’s too late and there’s blood under your finger nails. « i’m sorry... you should have gotten a better soulmate. » one that isn’t such a mess. « i can only tell you that i’ll try, but it sometimes come as an urge, sometimes i don’t even realize i’m doing it... you’re right, i am not _normal_ and i’m sorry. »

you want to cry. you can’t believe the perfect object of your affection would have you as his not even remotely _nice_ soulmate. you feel blessed, really, but sugawara deserves so much better. you feel the familiar itch over your skin, tighten your hands into fist and hope the feeling of your nails pressing into your palm will be enough to calm the urge to scratch. « i’m not sorry. » he says, taking your trembling hands in his, and lacing your fingers together. his thumbs run circles over your skin. « i’ve loved you for a while and it makes me the happiest man on earth to know you are my soulmate. it’s more than enough for me if you try, if you rely on me a little. i _want_ to be here for you, okay ? it’s all i ask. »

« suga, » and just like that he knows you aren’t upset anymore. « i really want to hurt myself right now. » which he knows. you are so tense and fidgety, like you were literally fighting against yourself to not destroy what you have your hands on, only because it is him. he isn’t going to let you do it though, he tells you. « if you do not let go of my hands i will hurt _you._ i don’t know if i can —»

« it’s okay. you won’t hurt me. » he gives your hands a little squeeze, which you return. it feels nice and relieving. he smiles, almost asking you to do it again, and again, until your urge has passed. and it does eventually.

when he feels you’ve relaxed, he raises his hands to his lips and lays a gentle kiss to your knuckles, asking if you feel better now, even if just a little. the face he makes when you tell him ‘yes’ is the most adorable thing you ever witnessed — he is so obviously happy to have been useful. to have helped. « you should call me when you feel bad, i’ll let you squeeze my hands. it’s not a sustainable option, but at least until we find something else. promise ? »

and you promise, only because you can’t say no to this face.


End file.
